I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
