You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
