Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
