What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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