I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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