I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
