When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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