Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize