I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
