So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
