Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
