There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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