I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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