u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
