The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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