I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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