just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We have so much sex to catch up on
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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