Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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