3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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