And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have fence marks all over my body
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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