the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
