I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
