I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
