Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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