Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
