I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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