dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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