mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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