I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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