saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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