Can Purell be used as lube?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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