hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize