Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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