PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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