I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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