dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
