he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
