So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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