In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
