You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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