I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
