I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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