There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
