a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
