Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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