We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
