He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
