I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
