you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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