it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
