Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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