i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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