She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
