i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
