You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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