We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
