i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
