i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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