Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
