This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
