Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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