my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
