There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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