She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
