I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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