How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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