That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
