I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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