this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
