In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
