i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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